I named you “Babar.” A familiar fixture on my face so permanent Bloodied blisters bloomed where skin and plastic met. The soft space between lip and nose wrinkled from weeks of crusted snot and Surgical tape. Our initial introduction was a bitter omen For the month that lay ahead. And I, a nonconsenting participant, fought wildly Against the pain while attempts to unify us failed— Repeatedly. One Two, three, Four, five tries before soothing voices whispered “swallow.” You were there stroking my gag reflex as Blood and tears leaked down my sweat-stained face. Just you and me, Babar. My parents fled the room To escape the attack on my nasal cavity. But they would come to know you too. Our union, My elephant appendage, would be the center of the circus And a brazen burden on all. For weeks noxious green flowed freely through you— A fast track from stomach to the external world. Internal physiology exhibited for all to gawk, an intimate connection Requiring diligent hands to sustain filling demands. Clamp, empty, connect, repeat. I pleaded for water while you sucked me dry. An assault of daily depravity and cruel balance of power yet— I grew to love you. Together we weathered Surgeries, sepsis, starvation. 20 pounds we lost together Catheters, a central line, and drains. A comradery visible yet unfelt among observers For you both delivered and understood my pain. But then ice chips replaced cracked lips As food for blood was swapped for solids, And I was left abandoned in your wake. Freedom was redefined by your depleting grasp And I forgot how to receive. I dreamt of liberation, but fullness led to rejection. Offerings of cotton candy ice cream, confetti sprinkles, And stinging bile swirled in a bedpan. Days spent begging for relief replaced with hopes of emptiness— A mouthwatering sickness of conflicting desires. Was it the gift of life or hefty price for outsmarting death? A searing throat from eating then retching. Retching then eating. Fond memories of us now fleeting.